Blake x Depressed!Reader Toughen Up (1)

(The following is from the franchise RWBY. I do not own RWBY. This is also an AU.)

How long had he been here?

Time spun so slowly. The second hand turned in a rhythmic pattern, one that was quite annoying, the sound almost like torture the longer he heard it. Watching the clock would just make time feel slower, he knew this, but it didn't stop him from sinking his eyes into both the clock's hands. The teacher had yet to notice his obvious lack of attention for his eyes had never even touched the board for the hour he had been in the classroom. If one looked closely they could notice the same behavior with the other students. The teacher's boring monotone voice lulled students to sleep and a yawn or two could be heard every five minutes. (Y/N) himself found a yawn escaping his mouth every now and then. Learning how to collect and mine dust was incredibly boring. He knew he would regret signing up for the dust course but he didn't have very many options. It was either the world history or weather observation. He thought he'd learn a new thing or two from 'The Wonders of Dust' course but he had learn little to nothing. Although learning how they mined dust itself had been a tad bit interesting the apathetic drawling voice of his professor was an incredibly boring spectacle of the course that didn't help him stay awake in the least. He could learn twice as much by himself with self-study and that was exactly what he was planning to do.

If he'd only make it into Beacon Academy alongside Ruby and Yang... If only. He hadn't made it in. Apparently he wasn't what they were looking for. Hell, with his speed semblance, and his excellent swordsmanship he'd thought they'd accept him without a doubt! He was trained under the great Taiyang Xiao Long! It didn't help that he was left with a the bumbling Simone Public School (totally made up) where normal citizens learned necessary skills to flourish in business, keep safe from Grimm, and... well... basic survival. The school had it's own internship program that filtered into the Schnee Dust Company where many teens were taken in for first world experiences in mining and preparing dust for safe shipments but that was about all the public school was worth for. They had no redeeming qualities that made them stand out from the rest of the schools, nothing compared to Beacon, and other rejects like him ended up here. Some of them were skilled, not nearly as skilled as he was, with personal weapons they were forced to put down. All of these people, with potential abilities and searing auras, reduced to long lectures on how to mine dust. 

Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.

His father didn't say too much about it. He just encouraged him to work harder and better to make a better life for himself but (Y/N) knew what the man must be thinking. (Y/N). His only son. A failure. He was trained since he was a little toddler and he still ended up failing his father. His sisters were far more successful than him, Ruby even ending up in Beacon shockingly earlier than expected, while Yang eased her way smoothly into Beacon like a stick of butter sliding on a plate. He should know, after all his father would brag about them, nearly everyday. He'd never say anything about (Y/N). He'd just give him a sad pat on the back and head off to Signal while (Y/N) would be left running off to Simone with hopes that he wouldn't be late since it wasn't as near as he'd nearly like it to be. He had asked a countless number of times to be dropped off at school but his father claimed he needed the exercise even though the man would work him into the ground during their training sessions. Which, by the way seemed completely useless by now since it was obvious he wasn't going to end up in a hunter school. As to be expected from a signal reject. Which in itself didn't make much sense since he was a great student! He never did anything bad. He didn't break any rules. He was normal.

But maybe that was the problem.

He was normal at least in hunter standards. 

He had no redeeming qualities.

Nothing of interest.

Compared to both of his sisters, they were practical monsters if someone stood in their way. Whether Grimm or human. Although he had been merely a few months younger than Yang (adopted off the streets long ago) he had never done anything that was worthy of recognition. He was nothing compared to then. They were far greater than him in many ways more than one and he was stuck here on the bottom, the worst place to be, and he was going to admit it straight out. It. was. depressing. There was no use beating around the bush. Just... seeing them... reminded him of what he could never be. Of something that was set in an unrealistic future. He knew far better than to get his hopes up, to become one of the greats, when he'd just end up in some dust shop somewhere where he'd be a salesman for a living. Maybe even end up in a work camp and end up lonely until he was an old man and his father would end up looking down on him with even more disappointment from the grave.

"And that is what happens if you use a stick of dynamite incorrectly on th-" The professor stopped in mid-sentence and turned his head towards the class. Everyone quickly shot up in their seats to look as if they were paying attention, except for the poor unfortunate souls that still had their heads resting on the desk in front of them, but the professor (as everyone liked to call Mr. Radcliff) would eventually find them later. Luckily they were saved by the bell, for now, which was exactly what had cut of Mr. Radcliff from talking everyone's skulls off their spines. "Pages 6-15 will suffice as homework. Study up. There will be a practice test."

No one groaned, all too busy attempting to escape class, not even caring about what he said. That was in the future. For now they all just wanted to get out of here because Mr. Radcliff would sometimes snatch students to stay after school if he knew they were slacking off. The same could be said for (Y/N), who bolted upwards, and grabbed his backpack with smooth grace and efficiency. In just a mere thirty seconds he ran out the door, merely the third student to escape the professors clutches, before he snapped back some poor guy's strap to have an after-class talk with him. (Y/N) could practically imagine the whimper the poor kid gave out before the door slammed shut behind the class' quick escapee event. 

"Safe." (Y/N) let out a weary sigh of relief, his shoulders shaking at the mere thought of having to stay after. He'd rather have at least some time for himself before the next day. That in itself would be the greatest blessing of all mostly because he rarely got any alone time. Not after his father began to beat some training lessons into him everyday but luckily his father would stay after school because Tuesdays were always days for tutorials, which meant that he stayed after school to teach those who were falling behind, and (Y/N) should know because he ended up in those tutorials more than once. Sometimes Yang would even teach and her punches were brutal. She'd beat anyone into a pulp and they'd come out as orange juice. Wobbly on the knees with barely any strength left in them to fight back. It was a lesson to everyone that they didn't want to end up in tutorials unlike those brave few who did it just to get a few lessons from his father - who of course - was a renown hunter. 

For once (Y/N) couldn't wait to go home.

Shocker, he knows.

But home didn't hold a place in his heart and he doubted it ever would. It was something that Ruby could come to expecting open arms, and she'd get exactly that, as well as Yang. He on the other hand would get a knock on the skull for doing who knows what. He does know that it's just playful banter but it's... not as nearly as loving as the hair rubs that Ruby gets, the tender hugs Yang receives. Attention, he's sure, they deserve. Yet he longs for it and he can't stop longing for a hand to rub him on the back and tell him it'll be okay. But no. It was just someone telling him, repeating over and over, that he needed to work harder. He needed to toughen up or else he'd never get anywhere in life. It could be genuine concern but did it always have to be shown so roughly? It was like someone was beating a nail into his skull while telling him it was for the greater good of his health. That's what it felt like, anyway, but maybe it was too far off from the reality of the situation.

His father.

Yang.

Ruby.

All together he could imagine them, they'd frown at him.

"Toughen up."

He was tired of those words.

He had already worked so so so so hard. No one appreciated the effort he put into everything. How long he strove to be the best. To be the most admirable person there possibly could be but it all backfired on him. Somehow he had become an outcast, unwanted, and his family KNEW it. They refused to say it aloud to his face, he could tell, but even so - even so - he knew what they were thinking.

As what they always told him.

Toughen up.

Yeah. Hah. As if it were that simple.

Toughen up? 

(Y/N) furrowed his brows at the thought. His teeth clenched firmly together, grinding, whilst his hands clenched into tight fists around the straps of his backpack. One that held his retractable sword in it, just in case he needed it, the one they had told him to lose. To get rid of, since he'd no longer need it, even though he had slaved away just to design it. To mold it into the perfect creation that would fit him and for some reason they didn't appreciate it. Ruby had even suggested taking it away from him so that he could focus on his studies but he had merely stared at her as if she were insane. Did she not know how much work he had put into that sword day and night? To make it into what it was now? It was no easy work! Weapons were never easy to create and THEY of all people should know that! It was preposterous that they couldn't seem to understand his feelings and he wondered if they were more sheltered then he ever was!
 
Yet with anger came the crippling agony that physically caused (Y/N) to stop on his way home. 

He was pathetic. 

Directing his anger towards his family who did nothing but care about him. How low could he stoop? In the end this was all his fault. He knew that. They knew that. He dug his own hole the minute he had gotten in a fight with a poor kid in signal that looked at him the wrong way. At the time he was just so angry that no one would recognize him for what he was and that kid suffered for it. It was obvious the anger issues kept him from Beacon and even now he was struggling. His father had suggested multiple forms of meditation while his sisters did their best to just... give him some space... since their advice was so negatively rejected all the time. Not their fault. His fault. He didn't want to cooperate. He wanted things to go his way and that obviously wasn't happening by the evidence in plain sight of how much he hadn't improved during the following months Yang and Ruby went off. They'd send him letters to inquire how he was doing and he'd put the facade on that he was okay. He never told them what he was feeling so how could they know how he was actually doing? Would they think of him any differently? Would they understand?

Feelings were such a pain.

Aching pain.

Sometimes he wonders if it would have been best if had never been born at all.

All of his suffering... gone. Everything. No more worries about being criticized. No more anger issues. No more people suffering on his behalf. No more anything but even then he was too much of a wimp to take his own life. He'd thought about it multiple times but he never seemed to be able to do it. Sometimes he'd just take comfort in the beauty of his weapon, his wondrous beautiful sword, with intricate details and decorations that meant so much to him. It was his life source. The thing that kept him down to Earth and reminded him that he wasn't the only one hurting here. 

Yet still...

When he got home...

He curled into a ball under his blankets and wondered...

'Nothing will change if I'm gone'

"Hey punk." The following few days he was greeted with a rough slap on the back and was sent stumbling forward. Reaching his hand over his shoulder to attempt to soothe his bruising back he was already ready for the lecture that was to come from his father. It would probably be something along the lines of, 'Have you lost your touch?' or 'Do you need more training?' maybe even 'When did you have such slow reflexes? It's almost as if you're a weakling. That's certainly no son of mine.' All three didn't look appealing but (Y/N) was oddly concerned when his father said absolutely nothing. In fact, when (Y/N) turned to look at his father, the man looked concerned. It sent a wave through (Y/N)'s heart, pushing against the walls, shaking his bones. It reminded him that his father cared. Even if it was just these small moments he cared. Maybe it'd be gone in a minute - sure - but that expression that stayed on his face was almost breath-taking and heart-stopping. 

"You're looking a bit pale. I also noticed you haven't been eating as much." A pause. "The teachers at Simone say you've been sleeping through classes too. Want to tell me what's wrong?" His eyes might have as well said everything instead of his mouth because Taiyang was staring at him so hard that he could feel his eyes melting his skin and burning through his skull and the wall behind him. Intense was one way to describe it but with that chaotic flame in his eyes (Y/N)'s father almost looked far more than just concerned. Intensely (there goes that word again) worried or maybe it was just some deep dark brooding that he was in that (Y/N) didn't think he'd understand. 

"I'm fine." (Y/N) let out a shaky breath. That might as well just have given away everything but it was just so difficult to talk to his father at the moment. It was almost like attempting to speak sense to a angry mama bear who cared nothing about your feelings. "I just haven't been feeling hungry is all."

"Really? Because to me it looks like you're losing muscle."

Yup. That was Taiyang. An expert on all things related to health and huntsmen and - yeah. Those things. Man... was there anyway he'd possibly escape him? Like hell (Y/N) would want to share his feelings at the moment. Truth be told he hadn't been eating because, yes he wasn't hungry, and he just didn't feel like eating. Obviously there was a loss of muscle involved for such an action but he'd get it all back. Not to worry. He'd done it before he could do it again. Now for sleeping in class - well - could it possibly be explained to be as simple as that he was just sleepy? Tired. All the time. Nothing too strange. Right? 

"I'm fine." (Y/N) repeated but this time it was with more conviction. "I'll get it all back. Not to worry."

"Well I have a lot of reasons to worry." His father narrowed his eyes. 

Please leave dad, holy crap. Go to school already.

"Aren't I keeping you up from school?"

Taiyang shrugged.

"I took a day off."

No. No way. This can't be happening.

"Just because I have the day off from Simone Academy because there's a faculty meeting?"

"Nothing wrong with just wanting to spend time with my son." Taiyang gave (Y/N) this glorious grin of shining teeth with a mischievous intent behind it all. (Y/N) knew his dad so this couldn't end in a good way. "I was thinking of catching up on some training. I wanted to teach you a little secret I learned about controlling your semblance better."

"As much as I'd love that -"

"Besides... Yang is coming home soon. Ruby too. I heard they're bringing friends over so they'll be staying the night. Can't let them come home without greeting me first can I?"

"Yang and Ruby are coming home?" (Y/N) asked. He didn't mean to make it sound so venomous but still - it just... he hated how Yang would treat him like a little kid. Ruby too! Even though she was younger than him! She treated him like he was a cripple or something!

"You could sound a bit more enthusiastic about it." Taiyang sighed. "Look, whatever's your problem, get over it. Toughen up little man. I know you've got this."

It took all of (Y/N)'s power not to sneer when his father used the same tedious phrase again. Call him spiteful but it was really getting on his nerves. It wasn't easy. They made it looks like it was effortless. Getting on with their lives while (Y/N) was stuck in the same circle, going round and round, never going anywhere. 

"And - while we wait for them to arrive - I thought we could do a little training."